From Soho to Voho

While the rules may get made in Westminster, they get broken in Vauxhall - a place that amusingly is less than one short mile from Big Ben's roving eye.

Home to big Bens of a different kind, Vauxhall is a world of hedonistic harmony which hasn't stopped partying since the Lord himself created ghetto blasters.

Every weekend is a big weekend in Voho (as the cool kids now call it), so get your recovery position on standby - Itchy don't do things in half measures.

Start your boozing in Barcode, the friendly bar come club that has both a calmer mingling front room and a hotter harder back room. Perfect if your group is taking its time to warm up, plus there's a convenient happy hour from 4-7pm.

Then take in the legend that is the Royal Vauxhall Tavern, a bar that is guaranteed to be booming with bears, dripping with drags, and lined with lesbians and gays alike.

All of this is just a warm-up, though, leading up to the main event: Fire, the Daddy of SW8. Boasting four rooms of DJs that thump out house and dance with lasers, lights and utter lunacy, don't expect to come out alive. With more Brazilians than Rio itself, this place is so hot it's ON fire.

Should you make it till the 8 am end and still want more (hard, but possible), Area will still be in full swing. Not quite as big as Fire, this is the new gay on the block for late night moving that will welcome stragglers in their masses.

And should you leave there wanting more (even harder, but sometimes still possible), Vauxhall's Sunday line up kicks off straight after. You can stay in its archways for days and only come up for air every few hours - just don't expect sympathy from those who bailed when the birds woke up.

If dancing is not taking your fancy, try Eagle London for their night of porn films and cruising, or the steaming sauna Chariots.

Finally, if you just want a giggle and a sniffle of poppers then grab some glow sticks and go to The Renaissance Rooms for the Roller Disco! It's camper than Alan Carr doing the Can Can, and for that we salute it.

And when Monday hits, avoid mirrors, conversations, memory flashes, eye contact, heavy objects and loud noises. It's going to be torture. But it's worth it.

See you next weekend.

Jay J Nicholas

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