Dawn of the Dead

There are certain realities in life, which, no matter how ardently we try to dodge, we have to confront sooner or later.

End of Semester exams, opening that looming credit card bill and the impending zombie holocaust... If you happen to be spending your final hours in Bath, this advice may help you to keep your calm(er) when disaster strikes.

Option one

Run like hell and hope for the best. As hard as it may be for you couch potatoes to stomach, shaping up is now the name of the game. Itchy recommends that, as a regime, running up and down Bathwick Hill and Widcome Hill alternately is your best bet. Just remember, you can run but you can't hide.

Option two

So you have asthma. Before you start weeping at the thought of being a lost cause, listen up. If you're confident and rich, then why not pop into one of Bath's numerous fancy-dress shops (The Giant Party Shop, 49 Moorland Road, Bath, BA2 3PJ) and invest in a zombie costume, put it on and bravely join the attacking swarms of bloodthirsty brutes. We all know the answer: If you can't beat 'em join 'em.

Option three

You're asthmatic, poor and lack self-confidence, then perhaps you should come to terms with the fact that six feet under may be your next destination. Before you go, though, make sure you exploit Bath's epicurean delicacies one final time. Perhaps Hobgoblin's Pub (47 St James's Parade, City Centre, Bath, BA1 1UZ) would be a thematically apt way to say your goodbye to the world? After all, even Jesus treated himself to a Last Supper.

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